I'd Do Anything To Hold Your Hand
by NeonLuna
Summary: Dan has a major crush on the sixth former Phil. But, then again, Dan is a little bit younger than Phil. Too young for a twisted highschool romance?
1. Chapter 1 - Acquaintances

**Author's note; Hello and welcome to my 6th story; I Would Do Anything to Hold Your Hand (Indeed this is a lyric;)) I am to tell you that, to my greatest dismay, I do not own Dan, nor do I own Phil. This story will be an expanse of chapters and phan phan phan. I do hope you enjoy my writing :) Here we are now, with the first chapter; **

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_This diary belongs to Dan Howell, aged 13. Dude. Don't read my diary._

_Jan 15th_

I'm going to spare all the 'dear diary' crap and just delve right in. My name is Daniel Howell and I live with my family, like any other teenager. But I'm not the normal teen boy, obsessed with girls and football. I despise sport to the depths of hell and girls are of nil interest to me. This is what I'm confused about. Maybe I'm just wary as my last relationship with a girl crashed and burned and every things a little bit panicky and weird but, well, I think I'm gay. The other boys in my class all laugh about 'them gays' in sixth form, so there's not a chance I'll ever tell anyone about how I feel, but, yeah. I've never actually had a crush on a boy. I think. I do have a weirdly stalker-esque interest with Matt Bellamy, but who doesn't? He's awesome. Aaah.

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_Jan 17th - English period 5 _

I sit near to the back, surrounded by other bored and irritating students in a freezing cold classroom. This is the life. Truly. I look around to see other pupils still writing, some scratching their heads and some chewing their pens. I finished my work at what seems like a zillion years ago but I'm too nervous to put my hand up to inform the teacher. So I just kind of stare down at my page full of twirly hand-writing, looking but not really _seeing. _I'm officially bored. And cold. I'm just about to cough out of pure boredom when the door swings in and a sixth former flourishes into the classroom. I choke on my own cough like an idiotic seal of some kind. The guy next to me flashes a disbelievable look that just shines with 'dude wtf'. I blush and look down hurriedly, only to feel eyes still trained on me. My teacher, Miss Hellin, looks up from her pc to see who entered the room and whom caused me to nearly die of choking. I sneak a glance too. The eyes that I look at look back at me with a sudden, unexpected curiosity. And as I survey this person that just entered my life I feel a fluttering of butterflies in my stomach and I feel my eyes widen at this person. This boy. An opinion of another is bought by judgement of the eye, but I'm almost certain that everybody of a sane mind could see the pure magical essence of this boy. His sparkling eyes had the most striking contrast with his long, dark fringe and it created almost a sense of actual beauty. The perception of beauty is subjective to the beholder yet I couldn't help think that everybody -everybody- could see how nice this person looked. His mannerisms even looked kind. I wanted to know him. And that's just a brief glance, imagine a full apprasion. I feel very caught up in the moment, almost as if I'm caught unaware in a weird third dimension were my brain just zoomed into this guy. I look away hastily and blush a deep crimson. The boy next to me gives me another 'dude wtf' look but I ignore it and chew my pen to a million pieces whilst life goes on as normal for the world, mine has just changed dramatically.

He goes up to Miss. Hellin and I note the confidence in his step. He has a smile like no other, his lips full and appear deep red with his clear, pale skin. "Hiya hun. You okay Phil?" Miss. Hellin speaks as if to a child of her own when she addresses Phil. He must be likable then, this Phil. "Yeah, it's just Miss. Hotwood wants some glue sticks? Apparently hers have gone missing..." His voice is velvety deep and has a twang of northern that chimes prettily. I can't help myself and look up again. He's lent with one hand on the desk whilst chatting with Miss. Hellin, his adolescent figure lankely tall and thin. Miss. Hellin smiles and points toward the cupboard that holds pencils, pens, glue e.t.c. And it just so happens that this certain cupboard is directly to the side of me. I have a mini freak out moment before reminding myself sternly that I've only actually just seen this boy for the first time in my life and I need to chill the fuck out. He walks down the rows of tables and has a strange authority over second year goers. I look up just as he passes to see him looking at me. I lose it and smile slightly. From this angle he looks even more attractive, with his adams' apple obvious. An actual shiver runs down my back. He smiles back and I swear I die a little inside. I just look down at my work, biting my lip slightly. He retrieves the glue sticks and walks back out with a thanks to Miss. Hellin.

And that, right there, was the most emotional trauma I have ever experienced.

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_Jan 19th - Diary (of Jane) (haha) (no)_

Well. No, I guess I'm not like the other boys in my class whom obsess over girls. Nope. I'm the opposite. I obsess over boys. Well, boy. Phil. That's literally all I know about him, but, wow. He just. Feels. I have so many. I came home that day to search him on the internet (thank-you google) and would be freaking believe it he has a youtube channel. I spend my whole life on youtube. I had the pleasure to watch his pretty face for a good five hours. Up to now, being gay has been pretty awesome. Though, there are some let downs. The dude who sits next to me in English told all the other lads my reaction from when Phil walked in and, well, there are a few insults thrown my way. Nothing I can't handle. And none of them think I'm _really _gay. So it's all good.

Note to self; FEED THE DOG DAN IT'S THE SECOND TIME YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN JEEZ

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**P.s I hope you liked it! New chapter soon if people like it:D Please, feel free to leave a review; it makes me super duper happy. Hope you all had a lovely christmas, with love -NeonLuna **


	2. Chapter 2 - I'm not okay

**Author's note; Happy new year everyone! AND SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHERLOCK DAY ANDERSON WHY **

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_ Jan 21st_

So all I can really do is stare at Phil. He's way older than me, I have no chance with him. Plus I don't even know if I'm gay. Although GOSSIP ALERT; I do know that Phil's gay. A few girls were whispering about it next to me at lunch. I was sat with boys in my year. They're not exactly my favorite people in the world but it's either them or sit alone. I prefer the latter. So yeah, the girls were discussing whom they'd go lesbian for (note; girls are weird) which lead to a long and slightly boring conversation to the homosexual pupils. It became very not-boring when they spoke about Phil though. Apparently he had a boyfriend who left school last year to go to college instead of sixth form. Apparently that's why he looks sad a lot. I wish I could be the one to make him happy. It'd be a privilege.

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_Jan 23rd - House time (a.k.a free period/form)_

I'm not the biggest fan of school but house time is nearly torture. I don't have anybody to talk to in house, the only students I actually knew were some popular girls and I've never even spoken to them. I just kind of awkwardly sat in the corner, doing some homework. Well, I used to until the girls started to spread a rumor that I was gay (I don't know how they even found out) and more or less the whole house turned on me. A colourful array of insults thrown pointedly at me, a few shoves, weird looks and nasty thoughts were enough to make me go to sullen and quiet Dan mode. Luckily my teacher noticed and I'm being transferred to a new house. Today.

I walk down a corridor plastered with club propaganda, accompanied with my old house tutor. I stay silent, like always, just looking at the posters around me. "Dan, do you want me to tell your new teacher why the other students were being mean? It's totally up to you hun," She's being so nice to me but treating me like a child. I sigh, pondering her question. Do I want my new house tutor to know I was being taken the piss out of? Maybe, then if it happens again, I suppose she can put an abrupt stop to it. I nod, still keeping my silence. I don't feel much like talking recently. She catches on and nods back, smiling at me. A pity smile. Ugh. We're nearing the English department; I love English. The language, the writing, the reading. Every aspect of it is enjoyable. Except when we have to speak in front of the class, that sucks. The teacher stops outside of a room I know. My English room. This is Miss. Hellin's house! I smile despite myself whilst the door is opened and Miss. Hellin greets me, the old teacher leaves and I take in the students I'll spend the next three and a half years among. My eyes skim across the class and I note a few girls in my year, popular year elevens, two scared year sevens and cocky footballing year tens. And then I see the sixth former. He's at the back, his nose in a book but I'd know that hair anywhere. It's Philip Lester.

"Listen class! This is our new house member Dan Howell. Be nice, okay?" The pupils look up and eye me suspiciously. The girls know me and go straight back the their boring girl conversation. The sevens look up at me, intimidated; I do look older than my age. The football dudes analyze me, note me down as non-jock and go back to their debate about some game or whatever. Phil looks up hesitantly from his book and- oh. Oh no. He recognized me. From my coughing spree the other day. Wonderful. I blush a deep red, embarrassed from the attention. Still, I look at the ground and I haven't said a word since my arrival. Miss. Hellin smiles and takes me to a desk in the corner, sitting down with me. "I'm sorry about this chuck but I have to ask you about your last house. Regulations," She sighs, holding up a notebook. Another pity smile. I smile back this time, though. Might as well, I do like Miss Hellin afterall. "That's fine," I mumble unintelligibly, still looking down. Why am I so awkward around people? Oh, of course. The bullies in the last house snatched all of my confidence away from me. It all comes just screaming back to me and I breath deeply to calm myself. "Jee, I remember you in year seven, Daniel. You were a bright spark, always smiling and laughing. You know, if something's troubling you, you can always talk to me sweetie," She smiles again. I'm kind of starting to wish smiles are contagious. I just can't bring myself to smile back this time. "Um, yeah. Sure." Wow, let's just slow clap out that reassuring reply. Just. Seriously? I sigh internally, scolding myself for my god-awful social skills. She eyes me, her manner still kind.

"So explain to me hun, what kind of things were the other kids saying to you?" I have a moment of panic, my heart fluttering madly. I inhale fast, getting myself together. How could I possibly say the other kids were mean because I was _gay? _How could I tell a teacher I was _gay?_

"Oh, just like insults and stuff. Nothing too bad." I feel eyes looking at me from around the room and my ears accompany my cheeks to a lovely scarlett shade.

"Righty, nothing in particular?" Yes.

"No."

"And you got moved for this?" She motions to my black eye. Oh, yeah. I had forgotten about that.

"Y-yes," I stutter, starting to get worked up about the whole thing. It's not like I was being _bullied_ or anything. There's so much fuss about a few bruises and one student.

"Dan," She says softly. ",Are you okay?" I look up for the first time and see her with concern plainly on her face. I open my mouth to reply but shut it again. She doesn't really have to know. She doesn't really want to; it's just regulations, right? I blink rapidly, riding all emotion. I can still feel eyes trained on me, I can still feel my burning cheeks and I can still feel the aftermath pain from my eye. No, I'm not okay. But I will be, perhaps, if you let me just sit alone in a corner. Forever. "Miss?" I look up again to see- oh. Phil. Um. Okay. "Do you want me to ask?" His eyes (oh god, his gorgeous eyes) look serious and well, it seems Miss. Hellin can trust him because she stands up, defeated. "Remember hun, I'm always here." I nod again. Phil sits opposite me, looking at me, analyzing. Oh, I'm so not ready to confide in my crush. Like I have a choice.

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**P.s; Hope you enjoyed! A massive thank-you to ElzyPhangirl (first review=internet cupcake :D) and NeverlandNat (second review= internet muffin :D) and to the mysterious guest! Thank-you for the tips :D Ohno, I'll swap Dan to his second year in High School. (I was 13 at the beginning of second year in my English High School)**

**Please feel free to drop in a review! See you soon -NeonLuna ^.^ **


	3. Chapter 3 - A New Friend (obsession)

**Author's note; 'seeya soon' she said. she _lied. _But, yay chapter 3's here! Enjoy the Dan and Phil talking-for-the-first-time action :) (and ermahgerd the drummer from Slipknot left :-o ) **

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_Jan 23rd - House time continued _

Oh. Sugar. We're going down swinging. Down, down in an earlier round. Wait. What. I blink to return to real life (hiss) and weigh up my situation. Phil sits expectantly parallel to me, his eyes shining. He has a knowing look, he mouth turned upwards similar to a smile. I sit, my hands clenched together, my mouth shut tight, my brain hurting. I look up hesitantly and prepare myself for one hell of an ordeal.

"I know, don't worry. There's a, um, rumor. About you." Oh.

"I'm sorry, but I'm guessing the whole school know." Oh.

"Most are okay with it, I should know." Oh.

"Dan?" Oh.

Oh.

"About...what?" I literally am that clueless. Okay with what? The gay thing was just a rumor...not real. I don't even, I can't even-

I jump up out of my seat. Everybody turns, staring, judging, laughing. I open my mouth to speak but the words won't come, I can't breath, I need to get out of here. I scrape my chair back and get out of the way overly-warm room, I swear it was like a freakin' sauna in there. I close the door behind me, so polite of me. I kind of just stand outside, breathing heavily. In, out, in, out and repeat. I keep my eyes closed and lean against the wall. It's cool against my back and I soak it up because I am so warm right now. From embarrassment, from worry and from being an utter imbecile. Today was just so much..fuss. And the bell has only just rung for dinner. I have a whole fucking lesson left, and an hours dinner to sit alone, like the socially awkward procrastinator I am. Gree-a-t. But before I have actual time to despair, the door opens and floods of kids come out, laughing with their 'mates'. Then, lastly (but certainly not least) Phil comes out. Phil. Stupidly cute and nice and extremely caring Phil. All the things that are right about him are wrong for me. He's adolescente, I'm pubescent. That's why he won't even look twice at me. Right? Nope, not right.

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_Jan 24th_

Dear fucking diary, okay thing is okay.

Phil, nice, sweet, super attractive. He SPOKE to me. Like, properly. As if we were...'friends'. Me having my silly panicky jumping out of chair and running from classroom gave us a chance to bond. Sounds weird, I know, but we spent dinner together. He told me about his ex-boyfriend. Oli. Sad story, really. Oli was an angry person but, he didn't say it, I think Phil was in love with him. I think he still is. He has a manner about him. Love, lost, loss. The three things don't bond together well, so nobody really takes the piss out of him for his sexuality. Because he looks so sad, it'd be like fucking with lost puppy. So we ate dinner together, although he didn't really eat much. Few bites of a sandwich. I was just listening to his voice for the most part. We spoke about the midterm exams coming up, we discussed friends and some of the other students. Turns out a few are gay. Two lesbians who are actually together and ohmygods they look so cute cuddled up together, eating dinner. How could anybody argue a dispute about that? I don't understand. But yeah, Phil, we even walked home together. I realized how tall I am for my age. And, that's it, I think. Bye, I guess.

note to self; DAN FOR THE LOVE OF ZEUS WHEN THE DOG BARKS LET HIM OUT OR HE'LL PISS ON THE FLOOR AGAIN.

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**P.s Hi. I'm sorry about the *cough* delay. I was just *cough* procrastinating. Sorry, though seriously. I feel crappy when I don't update for you guys, I'll try to do it more often. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and thank-you to; ElzyPhangirl, NeverlandNat and potterathedisco (awesome name:D) for reviewing!  
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**(Hopefully) Seeya soon, with love -NeonLuna**


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